Funny Life Quotes And Sayings
Here are some of the best funny life quotes and sayings.
Life is too important to be taken seriously. — Oscar Wilde
When life gives you lemons, make grape juice, then sit back and let the world wonder how you did it. – Unknown
A bargain is something you can’t use at a price you can’t resist. – Franklin P. Jones
I found that out too late. — Katharinde Susannah Prichard
In spite of the cost of living, it’s still popular. – Kathy Norris
When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That’s relativity.
Pride is what we have. Vanity is what others have.
Life is like a sewer… what you get out of it depends on what you put into it. – Tom Lehrer
Because life is short, it’s wise to make it broad.
Men are an extra, not a necessity,
Note – The key to a good relationship is the key. Give me back the key.
If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire. – Unknown
Life loves to be taken by the lapel and told, I am with you kid Let’s go! — Maya Angelou
Steak is something which has clearly died for my sins, and should therefore be utterly worshipped. With roasted potatoes and a good gravy.
There is more to life than increasing its speed. – M. K. Gandhi
Life is a constant oscillation between the sharp horns of dilemmas. – H. L. Mencken
The greatest pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do.
Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. It’s just that yours is stupid.
Life is the only thing you can”t get out of alive.
To live is so startling it leaves little time for anything else. – Emily Dickinson
Just when you think there’s light at the end of the tunnel, you discover it’s an on-coming train.
What a wonderful life I’ve had! I only wish I’d realized it sooner. – Author Unknown
I have lived in the world just long enough to look carefully the second time into those things that I am most certain of the first time. — Josh Billings
Life is so unlike theory. -Anthony Trollope
There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle. – Albert Einstein
Love teaches us that instead of admiring one another we should look to the same direction. – A. de Saint Exupery
Love is the time pass of life, so keep enjoyment.
When angry, count to four. When very angry, swear.
life is the only thing you cant get out of alive.
If I had my life to live over again, I’d be a plumber. – Albert Einstein
If you tell the truth you don’t have to remember anything
Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save. – Will Rogers
A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.
To solve the human equation, we need to add love, subtract hate, multiply good, and divide between truth and error. – Janet Coleman
Friends can come and also move, yet foes collect. – Thomas Jones
waste not time; for time is the stuff that life is made of.
The earnestness of life is the only passport to the satisfaction of life. – Theodore Parker
Laziness is nothing more than a habit to take a rest before you are tired. – J. Renar
If there were no God, it would have been necessary to invent him – Voltaire Quotes
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.
If you would like to add your favourite funny life quotes and sayings please post them.
{ 30 comments… read them below or add one }
Love the life quotes they are really funny, I also love the Bill hicks video he was the Don of comedy and a very clever man.
I had a giggle when I read this quote: “Men are an extra, not a necessity.” When I was younger, I was drawn to “feminist” ideologies so I was very firm in my opinion that men didn’t have a space in my life. However, time and circumstances could change one’s perspective, and I realized that I had to give myself a chance at love. =)
I like that quote because too many women don’t feel complete without a man in their life. I understand that we are social animals but sometimes it really is better to be single than with the wrong person. Maybe you were into radical feminism in the past? I would say true feminism is about recognising humans as unique individuals rather than excluding love and romance altogether.
I found these quote so very true, and highly entertaining. I especially liked “The greatest pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do.” That is the way I have tried to live my life ever since I decided other people do not have a clue as to what I can do!
I love seeing this adage up there: “If you tell the truth you don’t have to remember anything”. My mother was very fond of that saying and she used to tell us kids growing up that lying weaves its own web that would tangle our feet in it and end up knocking us on our butts.
My kids and I are constantly sharing quotes through email. I’m glad to find a new resource for quotes to share. I’m stealing some right away!
I really like this one: “A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.” Dare I say that a car salesman and a politician possess something similar to some degree, just that it wears off eventually!
It’s best not to take life too seriously.
Wonderful quotes posted here, they give me such a sense of happiness and really help to make my day brighter. I suffer from depression and reading your website and seeing all the wonderful quotes really helps me to feel much better about myself and the world.
I couldn’t help but chuckle as I read through these wonderful and humorous quotes. There, right under a glorious tribute to feasting on steak and worshipping it “utterly” appears the next quote by Ghandi. I find it ironic to have his name so closely associated with this choice of meal.
I had a long day, and I’m glad to come across this list of funny statements. Laughter is indeed a good medicine ! My favorite quote in the list has to be “A bargain is something you can’t use at a price you can’t resist”. I’m not shopaholic, but sometimes I find myself buying something not because I really have a need for it but because the low price is just too tempting!
I think these funny life quotes and sayings are good but I have heard many of them before.
Yeah some of them can become a bit cliché but we have tried to include some fresher ones too. Thanks for the comments people, please keep them coming.
I’ve never heard that Mencken quote before and it’s a good one. So true! It seems like just as soon as you settle one dilemma, another one pops up to take it’s place.
Just because we’ve heard them before doesn’t make them necessarily cliched. The ones we’ve heard before are ones that are so true that they bear repeating.
I love how you’ve included the classic ones which will never grow stale or overused with more modern ones. There are many I’ve never heard, and they cause me to smile, to pause, to think and to reflect. Keep them coming, Admin!
“If I had my life to live over again, I’d be a plumber. – Albert Einstein” — I reckon Einstein would have been a great man (and mad and quirky too!) regardless of what he chose as a career. However, I wonder why he went for plumber? Is it because it involves figuring out how something works before you can fix it?
I like the Will Rogers quote. It is so often the case that we are so focused on trying to rush through the task at hand that the moment can be lost. Then later in life we have time to fill and maybe nothing to do. This makes me more determined to appreciate each task and activity, even though this takes effort to keep on track.
This is hilarious: “If you tell the truth you don’t have to remember anything.” It makes sense, of course! The only time you have to remember something is when you have done something wrong because you naturally feel guilty about it
This saying does reinforce another saying, “The truth will set you free.” Good one!
“Because life is short, it’s wise to make it broad.” This is such a short statement but an effective reminder that we should make the most of our life. Life is unpredictable. We’ve heard of stories of people who were so alive and high-spirited one moment then the next thing we knew, death already called them.
That Emily Dickinson quote makes you think. My mother used to say something similar. She always said, “Living your life takes time and attention,” meaning you have to make room in your life for taking care of the normal things that come up in everyone’s life.
I read all the quotes above and found the one by Janet Coleman sums up what life is about. It is about learning to give love and not hate, learning to do good to others, and learning the difference between truth and error.
Life is so short. I prefer to laugh than to cry, but I suppose there is room in every week for rain and for sunshine. I’d hate to go for too long without either. These quotes make me chuckle, screw up my face in remembrance of an embarrassing time and eventually laugh at myself. Laughter is good medicine.
I don’t know whose quote this is, “If you tell the truth you don’t have to remember anything”, but it’s something I believe to be the case. If you lie, then you have to remember what you lied about and what you said to support that lie. If you’re telling the truth though, then what is there to remember? It’s less work.
Sometimes we need to read quotes like these to remind us to not take life too seriously. I like this particular quote, “When angry, count to four. When very angry, swear.”
I’m guilty of doing this as well. 
“Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. It’s just that yours is stupid.”
I laughed reading this quote. It reminds me so much of my ex boss, who took great pleasure in making this her mantra she probably had it embroidered on a cushion at home!
My mother always told us growing up that if you don’t lie, you won’t have to remember what to tell people, which is very similar to one of your quotes. It’s so true and I’ve tried to raise my children by the same philosophy.
I really like the one about the lemons and the grape juice. Sometimes it pays to not to just make the best of the situation, but to own it and transform it into something entirely different.
I really like this one: In spite of the cost of living, it’s still popular. – Kathy Norris This is the first time I have seen it, but I really like it I will definitely have to pass that along in some kind of clever way.
There is more to life than increasing its speed. – M. K. Gandhi This one reminds me of an article I read a few days ago about the importance of slowing down and enjoying life. We have so many things to “make life easier” now so that we can add more to our busy schedules that we forget to slow down and actually LIVE.