Here are some of the best funny life quotes and sayings.
No one is listening until you fart. – Author Unknown
Life is the name of ups and down so keep claiming the mountain.
You’re alive. Do something. The directive in life, the moral imperative was so uncomplicated. It could be expressed in single words, not complete sentences. It sounded like this: Look. Listen. Choose. Act. – Barbara Hall
Breathe as if you were to expire next day. Study as if you were to breathe evermore.
You live and you learn or you don’t live long. – Robert A. Heinlein
The past occasion I took advice, it just worked as I distorted it.
Life is full of disappointments, and I’m full of life!
You must learn from the mistakes of others. You can’t possibly live long enough to make them all yourself. – Sam Levenson
Life is too small so kiss slowly laughs insanely, Love truly, and forgives rapidly.
This is a strange country we live in. When it comes to electing a president, we get two choices. But when we have to select a Miss America, we get 50.
The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there’s a 90% probability you’ll get it wrong.
The basic rule of human nature is that powerful people speak slowly and subservient people quickly
Women like silent men. They think they are listening. – Marcel Archard
Life isn’t a big joke, because I don’t get it.
Small children disturb your sleep, big children your life. — Yiddish proverb
Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
Learn as if you were going to live forever. Live as if you were going to die tomorrow. — Mahatma Gandhi
Life is not a static thing. The only people who do not change their minds are incompetents in asylums, and those in cemeteries.
The most important things in life are human relations.
It is often easier to ask for forgiveness than to ask for permission. – Grace Hopper
Life travels in between kiss and smooch
I always wait for the Times each morning. I look at the obituary column and if I’m not in it, I go to work. – A. E. Matthews
If I had known I was gonna live so long, I would have taken better care of myself.
Once you have bought something, you will find the same item being sold somewhere else at a cheaper rate.
Life is like an onion. Why is life like an onion? Because you peel away layer after layer and when you come to the end you have nothing. — Yiddish Proverb
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“You live and you learn or you don’t live long. – Robert A. Heinlein” I know a lot of people who don’t live and learn and they are older. Some people have no common sense at all and it drives me crazy! I wish everyone learned from their mistakes.
I like what Sam Levenson has to say about learning from others’ mishaps as well. You don’t have to live certain lifestyles yourself to know that they are a mistake.