Here are some of the best short funny life quotes and sayings.
The only thing to do with good advice is to pass it on. It is never of any use to oneself. – Oscar Wilde
An autobiography is the story of how a man thinks he lived. – Herbert Samuel
A man’s got to do what a man’s got to do. A woman must do what he can’t. – Rhonda Hansome
When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep — not screaming, like the passengers in his car.
Time is a large professor, but sorry to say it kills all its pupils.
Admiration is a very short-lived passion, that immediately decays upon growing familiar with its object. – Joseph Addison, The Spectator
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
Life is wasted on the living.
There isn’t anyone who could be satisfied and happy examining himself. – M. K. Chiurlionis
The more you complain, the longer God makes you live.
An exertion pays off sooner or later. Idleness pays off at the present!
Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever.
Heaven is somewhat similar to a place where you are right now…it’s only million times better. – L. Anderson
Are you aware that 9 from 4 citizens don’t obtain fractions?
Desire is half of life, indifference is half of death. — Kahlil Gibran
A man should control his life. Mine is controlling me. -Rudolph Valentino
If you don’t know [your family's] history, then you don’t know anything. You are a leaf that doesn’t know it is part of a tree.
Anything dropped on the floor will roll over to the most inaccessible corner.
The cost of living’s going up, and the chance of living’s going down. — Flip Wilson
Life is a zoo in a jungle.
Life is Short – Talk Fast!
Every day life is in no way simple for those citizens who dream.
Life is like an onion; you strip sour one film at a time and on occasion you weep.
The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense. – Tom Clancy
Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example. – Mark Twain
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Life is short so live it up.
I love the writings of Mark Twain and this quote seems to describe my life perfectly. “Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example” To some people you are never good enough, what is important is to ignore them and believe in yourself.
I had to laugh out loud for real when I read the quote about Barbie. It is true, why do you have to buy her friends? The Tom Clancy quote is funny, too.
This is truly funny: “When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep — not screaming, like the passengers in his car.”
Whoever said this has a killer sense of humor! I only hope this really didn’t happen in real life or it would take the fun in the joke 
I like the one about time being a teacher, but ultimately killing all its students. Like in class, the best way to get through life is to not slack off.